Hebdhcajedbdojf wasn’t the smartest demon, but after thirty eight lashes, she was beginning to think she had messed up. Thirty nine, yeah, she had definitely messed up.
The dungeon’s master leaned up scratching his scaly head with a clawed hand. “Let’s go over this again,” he reiterated. “From the beginning.”
“Well,” responded his dim witted captive, “when I first came to, I was in a vast valley with a bunch of other maggots and-”.
“No!” The dungeon master shouted cutting her off while raking his claws across an iron maden. “From the beginning of the mission” he clarified.
“Oh then, after Evix dropped the potion in Forthright’s mouth, I came to. It was an interesting body: nice boobs, lots of skirts, and a warming burning feeling coming from-”
The dungeon master cradled his head in one hand and droned “Skip ahead to when Evix’s master actually gave you the mission.”
“Right, so after being Forthright for a while a couple days or weeks you know how-.”
The dungeon master’s eyes flared red as he glared at her.
She continued on track, “I got a letter from one of her old hunter friends. He wanted help killing something that killed their old boss. Then Duem…Evix master told me to take Gwithir and party there so he could ambush them for the Kukiri. And he told me to use locate object to lead them to the wrong cave, but I don’t know locate object, and he said just pretend you do, and I’m like sure I can do that, and he wanted me to help kill Gwithir and his party if I thought I could.”
“After you got the letter.” The dungeon master interrupted, “what did you do after you got the letter?”
“Well the letter mentioned that some of my and Howard’s (that’s the guy who wrote the letter) other excoworkers were in the city and I thought if we were going to hunt whatever killed my exboss, we should have backup.”
“But your job was to kill Gwithir and the rest of your party. Did getting backup really help that?”
“No. Yes?” She asked trying to feel out the correct answer. “It didn’t matter anyways ‘cause they didn’t come.”
“Thank Baphomet for small favors.” The dungeon master sighed under his breath.
“Then we rode in this tiny-then-big electric train, and the guy who owned it said that he saw some barbazu walking around the city: is there a Baatazu invasion? Should we tell someone? Well I just told you so it’s out of my hands. Handled it like a boss.”
“After the train ride” The dungeon master grunted.
“We had to walk all the way to Mancho Pass and then to McDuff’s compound. Well when we get there, Howard tells us that the thing that killed his exboss took his display mace and if we brought it back then we got the compound; I’ve never had my own compound so I got excited. I figured that if we were going to kill whatever killed him we should get a better idea of what killed him so I decided we should get a look at the body. It was in the compound so we had to find our way in. My body had legs for daaaays so I.”
“Just skip to when you examined the body… The dead body.”
“Well his head was bashed in and so was his hat, and we took his bolo because it was the key to his safe. After the body, Katrina (I think she may be a tiefling) followed the tracks and got us to a forest. She lost the tracks twice but eventually got us to the cave. Then I used detect object to show that we were at the right cave. We went down the path and saw the mace in the case. The rest of the party went to investigate the case while I stayed in the hall. You know there was going to be an ambush and I didn’t want to die too? I just got used to having girl parts. Well it’s a good thing I didn’t, cause when Gwithir slotted his Kukiri in the pedstool and trigged the trap the door slammed shut and the goblins attacked. After the trap was sprung, Mazrin started breaking down the door while the others attacked the gobs. A little bit later the hobs joined the fight with a rust monster. About this time Mazrin broke open the door, and since the gobs were already loosing, I used some magic to help finish them off. I figured the faster we killed them, the sooner we could get back the mace.”
The dungeon master was slumped down in a chair regretting his desire to cause pain which had led him to be the dungeon master. “Do you remember what your mission was?”
“Get the mace?” she fielded and immediately changed when she saw the angry look on the dungeon master’s face, “kill McDuff, no he was already dead. Kill… Give me a minute: I got this.”
The dungeon master’s anger boiled over and he reached over crushed her head with his hand. He was not supposed to kill his victims, but he could just say she was too weak to survive the torcher. She had already told him how she had messed up the rest of the mission anyways.
After she helped free the Kukiri from the pedstool, she decided to talk to the orcs she was told to avoid. She made arrangements with them for a fight over the mace, and then freed a cleric of Spero. She got her just deserts when when the priestess cast banish on her.